


I’ve got the strangest feeling (this isn’t our first time around)

by trashystories



Series: if you could only know, I’d never let you go [4]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Trauma, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Good Friends, Group Hugs, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Julie Molina needs a hug, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Movie Nights, Nightmares, PLEASE READ TAGS, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Assault, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alex (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Luke Patterson, Protective Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Trauma, and she gets one, but it’s only mentioned, non-graphic descriptions of sexual assault, not described in detail, thats the trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashystories/pseuds/trashystories
Summary: That year had been harder than ever, but she survived it.Once the boys came into her life, she’d almost forgotten that year completely. Forgotten the trauma that led to it, forgotten how much of an impact her mother’s death had on her.She was blissfully content, playing with the boys.It had been about six months with them so far, and she couldn’t be happier.Everything was going great, until it wasn’t.ORJulie’s repressed trauma finds its way to the surface. This is the story of how our favourite boys bring her back.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina, Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie & Willie, Carlos Molina & Julie Molina, Carlos Molina & Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina & Julie Molina's Mother, Julie Molina & Luke Patterson, Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina & Reggie, Julie Molina & Willie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: if you could only know, I’d never let you go [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1938217
Comments: 27
Kudos: 432





	I’ve got the strangest feeling (this isn’t our first time around)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my lovelies, welcome back! 
> 
> Whilst this is technically a direct continuation from the last story in this series, “and the walls kept tumbling down (in the city that we love)“ the last story doesn’t necessarily need to be read for this one to make sense, seeing as we deal with some issues Julie has, rather than the new development with the boys. We will get there tho! I’m hoping the next part of this series will explore that - and will be multi-chapter, even though I struggle with longer fics like that. 
> 
> OKAY FIRST THINGS FIRST ****TRIGGER WARNINGS****  
> There is implied and referenced past sexual assault in this story, which Julie will talk about, but never in explicit detail, which is why this is a teen and up rating. This is a much heavier fic than that you might be used to, with my writing, and if any content addressed in this or my tags may upset you, don’t read. Your mental health should be valued as top priority!!
> 
> That being said, happy reading lovelies!

Contrary to popular opinion, Julie didn’t have the best childhood. 

Events within it permanently scarred her, leaving wounds that for years, had remained dormant and untouched. When her mother died, however, it felt as though all the trauma she’d been concealing for years broke through the surface and tainted her very core. 

That was one of the reasons why she didn’t play music for a year. Whilst the main reason was that it was too painful a reminder of her mother, another was that she was physically unable to. 

Most days, during that fateful year, Julie was bedridden from her torment, or, if she could be dragged to school by Flynn, she would simply go through the motions of what her day was supposed to look like. 

That year had been harder than ever, but she survived it. 

Once the boys came into her life, she’d almost forgotten that year completely. Forgotten the trauma that led to it, forgotten how much of an impact her mother’s death had on her. 

She was blissfully content, playing with the boys. 

It had been about six months with them so far, and she couldn’t be happier. 

Everything was going great, until it wasn’t. 

The night before had been hectic enough already. Her boys were _alive_. Breathing and real, and she didn’t dare question the logic in case whatever force brought them to her took them away too. After she had tearily explained to her father what had happened, the whole family, Carlos included, embraced each other in a group hug.

They stayed like that for a while, content. 

As was becoming ritual, the family sat together to watch a movie, until it got late enough that Ray deemed that it was the Molina children’s bed time, which Julie and Carlos protested dramatically over. 

After giving Luke a quick kiss on the cheek, ever so close to the lips, and giving both Reggie and Alex a forehead kiss, she mumbled her goodnights and went to bed. 

No matter how crazy the night was, as she laid in bed Julie truly realised that for the first time in a long time, she was _happy_. 

As said before, everything was great, until it wasn’t. 

As she faded off into dreamland, a nightmare dug it’s claws into her, scraping and clawing at her old wounds until they were open and bleeding with a passion. 

She could remember everything, from the first traumatic event when she was 5 and the years following, to her mother’s death over a year ago. 

She could remember every word said, every sensation, every emotion, _everything_. 

It was way too much. 

She awoke, gasping for breath in a way she never had before, all memory of the group hug from hours ago erased from her mind. 

Fear held tightly onto her chest, and in her panicked state she did the only thing she thought seemed logical at the time. 

She ran. 

* * *

The time morning rolled around, and it was time for everyone to be awake for the day, Julie was long, long gone. 

Ray knocked on his daughters door when she didn’t make an appearance at breakfast, and, upon seeing the empty room, didn’t worry too much, instead changing his route to the studio. 

It had been half a year since her last incident, and he was pretty sure the boys presence in her life had almost completely healed her from her suffering. 

He knocked politely on the studio doors, and upon hearing no response, invited himself in anyway. 

The boys were huddled close together on what appeared to be the bed he set out for Alex, even though they all had their own beds, tangled within a mini cuddle puddle. 

Ray smiled softly before gently shaking Reggie awake, who started loudly, subsequently waking both Alex and Luke up at the same time. 

Luke blinked blearily, whilst Reggie offered a lazy smile to Ray before tackling Alex to snuggle into the blondes chest and attempt to sleep some more. 

Luke scanned Ray’s face before yawning, “Is something wrong, Mr Molina?”

“Please, call me Ray Luke, and no, I don’t think so, I was just wondering if you’d seen Julie this morning, she wasn’t in her room”

Luke’s eyes widened a bit and he seemed completely awake and alert now, his whole body stiff. The change in demeanour was noticed by the half asleep Alex, who shook Reggie until he was awake too. 

Reggie groaned as he stretched, before grinning slightly. 

“She’s probably gone to school early, to finish some project with Flynn she was talking about ages ago”

Upon the mention of school, Ray realised that with the boys technically alive now, or rather, _not dead_ , that he would definitely need to send them back to school. Hopefully, he could fit them in the music program with Julie next semester. 

“Oh right of course, I’ll send Flynn a text and double check”

Julie had left her phone at home, but it was charging so he only assumed that she had forgotten to charge it the night before. 

Almost immediately Flynn texted back, informing him that Julie was not in fact with her, and hadn’t yet arrived at school. 

His concern grew now. 

If she wasn’t at school, where could she be?

Dread seeped through his veins, cold and pulsing, and he held his breath. 

He turned back into the studio, and went to break the news to the boys. 

“She’s missing?! The hell does that mean?”

“Luke, calm down. Deep breaths dude”

Ray smiled softly at Alex. Since he was the one with an anxiety disorder, he knew how to calm people down almost immediately. 

He bit his lip, wondering how much they know about the time before they showed up. He didn’t want to overshare for Julie’s sake - it was her story, not his - and it was not like the boys would be able to find her, considering they lost their ability to _poof_ ever since they gained a heartbeat.

“Did she ever... tell you about the year, after we lost her mother?” His voice was hesitant, and he held his breath waiting for their answer. 

It was Reggie who replied, trusting and careful. Seriousness didn’t suit him, that’s for sure. 

“I mean, she told us how she couldn’t play music for the year, yea?”

Ray nodded slightly, releasing his held breath. 

“She’ll be okay kids, I promise. Sometimes she needs a break to think some stuff through, but I’m sure she’ll be back soon

He surprised himself with how calm his tone was, and, after telling the boys to remain calm and not go looking for her, he returned back to the house to get his car keys, not surprised when the boys were already waiting at the passenger doors. 

The drive was quiet and somber, tension thick in the air, until Luke’s voice cut in, a slight tremor to it. 

“Is there something you’re not telling us, Mr- I mean, Ray?”

He smiled slightly. These boys really didn’t miss a beat (literally). 

“Unfortunately there is. But it’s not my place to say. When we find Julie, I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time.”

Luke looked like he was about to protest, but was abruptly pulled into Alex’s chest, and his squirming ceased as he sagged under the weight of it all. 

Ray was not a fool. He knew how lovesick the two were. But truly, Luke brought her back to life, and because of that, he had no objections to whatever was going on between the two. 

Reggie shifted in the backseat, so that he was leaning into Luke’s front, and soon all three were touching in some way or another. Ray often noticed that; in order for the boys to calm down they would have to be always together, physically touching each other. 

It was sweet. 

He parked the car in the middle of the city and sighed, pulling out Julie’s phone from the glovebox, that he had taken with. 

After handing it to Reggie, he continued, “I want you three to stick together, okay? You’re _alive_ now, which means you can be seen by anyone, and are at risk to any danger that might come your way. If you find her, or need me for anything else, use Julie’s phone to call me... Her password is Bright95”

All three boys exchanged glances at the password, but said nothing, too caught up in giving their assurances to Ray and their worry for Julie to smile at the meaningful password. 

Ray took off in the direction of the beach, whilst the boys walked in the direction of the Orpheum. 

He hoped they’d find her soon. He didn’t like the idea of her being alone in the city, especially with how she can get during these times. 

* * *

When Julie opened her eyes, bleary and confused, the sun was burning her arms and she was huddled behind a log in one of the secluded covers that branched off from the beach. 

The next thing she noticed, was the long haired boy who was sitting beside her, fiddling with some of the wheels on his skateboard. 

Before she could even say something she was slammed again with the memory of her nightmare, or more like her revisit to the past, and she was rendered speechless, her eyes threatening to glaze over again. 

She must’ve gasped, or something similar, because the boy looked over, and immediately jumped off the log he was perched on to sit on his knees in front of her. 

His hands reached out for her face, but instead of touching her, like she cringed back in preparation for, they fell straight through her. He sighed, frustrated, and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Julie?”

She shook her head slightly, attempting to shake off the fuzziness that was clutching at her, tempting her into her lifeless state. But she held on, curiosity getting the better of her, regarding this ghost that clearly knew her. 

To acknowledge that she was listening, she gave him the slightest nod, her throat feeling closed up, and tiredness weighing at her muscles. 

“I uhm- I’m Willie, a uh-friend? of Alex?”

Julie smiled at his unsure tone, a memory seeping in of Alex’s blushed face as he recounted his adventures with Willie. 

“You sure about that?”

She attempted to joke, but her voice was hoarse as though she’d been screaming for hours. She could’ve been, she didn’t really know. 

He laughed all the same though, and move to sit right next to her, his shoulder barely passing through hers. 

There was a long pause, and the silence almost became unbearable. The longer the quiet lasted, the more she could feel herself sinking. But memories of Alex, his flustered smile and heart eyes when talking about Willie, kept her head just barely above the water. 

“What happened?”

She couldn’t remember anything but the blinding fear as she tore away from her house and sprinted mindlessly into the city. 

Willie took a deep breath, moving his hand so it hovered just above hers. She appreciated the gesture all the same as though he were actually holding her hand. 

“I was skating through the city when I saw you, recognising you from the posters. You looked pretty shaken up, so I followed you to make sure you were cool. Then some dudes started following you and I had to mess with them a bit before steering you in this direction. You didn’t actually say anything the whole time - so I’m not surprised you don’t remember anything.”

She nodded, her throat going dry. But she had to keep her head above the water. Bad things happened when it dropped under.

She didn’t feel like drowning today. 

“They’re alive now, I think”

“Who?”

“Reggie, Luke, _Alex_. They started breathing just last night, with a heartbeat and everything.”

She chanced a glance at the skateboarder, noticing a smile on his face, albeit wistful and sad. 

She hadn’t really thought about what the future could hold for Alex and Willie, but, seeing as there was definitely a spark between the two, and they were both utterly in love with each other, they would make it work. She was sure of it. 

The silence stretched on for a moment, and her mind slowly drifted away from thoughts of one of her best friends back to the memories she’d shut out, and she ducked in a deep breath. 

Willie, sensing the visible discomfort, attempted to break the silence. 

“What are you thinking about?”

She choked silently, as though she’d been hit by a truck. The grief and anxiety and fear and sadness hit her full force again, and her breathing quickened, her nails digging in and drawing blood in her palms. 

Willie muttered a string of curses at his mistake, and if Julie was truly aware she would’ve reassured him that he wasn’t at fault, but instead she curled in on herself, her eyes unfocused in front of her. 

Past voices, past words, past touch, past actions, past wrongs, they flooded her, and she felt like she was back there, anxiety threatening to choke her. 

Willie panicked, and spotting a kind-enough looking man in the distance he raced over, pushing him toward Julie, which he did without resistance, though he didn’t realise Willie was there. 

When he came closer, he jogged forward before falling to his knees beside the girl who had seemed to fall unconscious from the lack of oxygen. 

“Julie? Julie?!”

Willie breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that she was with someone who knew her. Still, he stuck close to the unconscious girl, his hand attempting to, and failing, to move her hair out of her face. 

Once they reached the car, the man rested Julie in the back seat, and Willie slid in beside her, not yet completely trusting this man alone with her. 

With the short time alone with her, he realised quickly why Alex spoke so fondly of her. It was hard not to like her. Even in the state she was in, she offered him as many comforting smiles as she could once she broke the news that Alex had returned to life. 

The man ended a phone call, from which he could hear Alex’s voice wafting through, and it all clicked into place. 

This was Julie’s dad. 

Still, he didn’t want to leave her alone here. 

He’d stay with her, and then explain to the boys what he saw, so they could relay it to her father. 

* * *

Luke was clearly on edge. 

After Alex had recited the events of the phone call, his worry tripled, and he grabbed both Reggie’s and Alex’s hand and they ran the whole way back to the Molina’s house - their home. 

When they arrived, they made a beeline for Julie’s room, assuming that is where Ray had taken her. They all squished through the doorway and saw Ray standing by Julie’s side, unconscious on her bed, with Willie sitting beside her, watching over her with worried eyes. 

The boys paused, shock written on every one of their faces. 

Both Ray and Willie looked up at the same time, and Willie gestured for Alex to follow him outside, which he did, excusing himself politely. He was completely concerned about Julie, but he knew that Willie being here linked to Julie somehow. 

Luke and Reggie crowded the side of the bed beside Julie, kneeling down and grabbing a hand each. Ray smiled at them, glad that his daughter truly had people who care for her. 

“She’ll be alright boys, she just needs rest”

He sighed all at once, realising he was running late as he checked the time. “Shoot guys I was supposed to be at a meeting with Carlos at his school ten minutes ago... is there any way you could all watch over her while I’m gone?”

He was met with frantic nods, and although he didn’t really want to leave his daughter, he knew she was in safe hands. 

She was so lucky that they all found each other when they did. 

* * *

Alex and Willie returned a moment later, just as Ray’s car could be heard driving out of the driveway. 

Alex promptly crawled onto the bed beside Julie, taking a cross-legged position beside her head and gently carding his fingers through her hair, as she had done to him several times before. 

Willie quietly explained to the boys what happened, and both Luke and Reggie were glad that he could’ve been there for her when they weren’t. 

It was a whole other ball game now, seeing as it seemed like she could see all ghosts, but they would deal with that later. 

Right now, Julie was everyone’s main priority. 

It was probably another half an hour until she woke up. In the minutes leading to her wake up, her breath had quickened and her hands tightened their grip in Reggie and Luke’s hands. 

When she woke, she woke with a start, her breath heaving and her body shaking. 

Luke felt a desperate feeling of uselessness claw at him, seeing as he felt like he never knew how to deal with anybody’s emotions, but luckily, Alex didn’t need a warm up. 

He changed his position quickly, ending up on his knees directly in front of Julie, gently placing his hands on her cheeks and guiding her eyesight to him, murmuring soft reassurances to her the whole time. 

Reggie and Luke were stunned, as it seemed Julie wasn’t even registering where she was, but Willie looked onto the scene with a resigned look of worry. 

After a few moments, her eyes focused in on Alex in front of her, and he offered her his most award winning smile, his thumb softly reaching up to brush the tears that collected on her cheeks. 

“Hey, Jules”

She managed a small smile at him. “Hey,” she whispered, her throat dry and croaky. 

She leant her head forward until it hit Alex’s shoulder, and he wasted no time in adjusting so she could lean her whole body weight against him, his arms going around to encircle her middle. 

She smiled up at him before realising that she still held both Reggie and Luke’s hands in a death grip, releasing immediately with a soft apology. 

Both boys didn’t let her hands go completely however, instead taking the silence in the room as an opportunity to get involved in what would be a serious group hug. 

Like shuffled into the space on Julie’s other side, so she was squished between Alex and Luke, his arms loosely hung around her neck. Reggie moved behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder and rubbing soft circles on her back. 

She hummed in contentment at the affection from her boys, and, noticing Willie hovering near the scene, she moved her head just slightly to indicate that he could join. He rushed forward quickly, brushing his knees against Alex and hovering his hand above the hand she had in Reggie’s. 

After ten minutes of comfortable silence, it was Luke that spoke first, “so... we should probably talk about that, right?”

“Dude!” was Willie’s quick reaction, earning a confused look from the three boys but Julie smiled at him, and Willie smiled back. 

There was something about her. It was hard not to love her. 

“It’s okay Will... we probably should”

Willie moved to leave, but Julie cut him off. “You can stay, Willie. I kinda owe you an explanation, since you looked out for me for so long... Thanks for that by the way, can’t remember if I said that or not”

“Anytime Julie”

She took a deep breath, her grip tightening on both Reggie and Luke. All boys responded, Alex moving to again comb his fingers through her hair, Reggie snuggling closer to her side, Willie moving closer to the group, and Luke carefully squeezing her hand. 

She looked up at him first, searching his eyes as if she was looking for something. He offered her an encouraging smile and she nodded, turning her gaze to the sheets in front of the group. 

“My mom used to have this friend, he was this musicy guy - I can’t really remember what he played - and he used to babysit me when I was younger and Mom and dad wanted to go out...”

She paused for a moment, steadying herself. She knew she could do it. The minute she starts talking about it, it would get easier to deal with. 

“He used to... uh... hurt me... starting when I was around 5ish, or maybe later, and it lasted until I was like, maybe 12?”

Willie was the first to understand, and he moved himself to be completely in front of Julie, hands hovering over her as if he wanted so badly to hug her. Alex was the next to understand, and he pulled her in closer, if that was even possible. Understanding flashed in Luke a moment after, and everyone in the room noticed a deadly glint in his eye. He moved so her head rested against his chest, and he rested his own chin atop her head, as if daring anyone to take her away from him. Reggie, noticing the seriousness in the room, gently rubbed Julie’s head in an encouragement to continue. 

“It stopped for a while after Carlos was born, since mom and dad were always around, but since he convinced my mom to let him teach me guitar, I was over at his house a lot too”

Luke’s free hand, that wasn’t holding Julie’s was clenched in a fist, a grip so tight his knuckles were going white. A few stray tears left Julie’s eyes as she regained composure to continue, and each boy fought over who would wipe them away. 

“I guess at the time I was too young to even know what was wrong, since he’d been a major part of my life for a good few years. Except one day, after mom picked me up and instead of asking what I learnt like she usually did, for some reason she asked ‘what did you guys get up to?’ so I told her, and she cried, and I never saw him again”

The boys exchanged glances with each other as they all came to their own conclusions about the severity of what Julie had gone through. 

“About maybe a month later my mom explained how and why what happened to me was wrong, and I guess I thought I dealt with it really well, all things considered. For three years I just went about my normal life, not really bothered by any of it.”

She took a shaky breath, and Luke’s own heart broke. He felt tears that had gathered in his eyes long before the story had begun fall, and daring a look at the others, he realised none of them had a dry eye either. 

“That was, until my moms death. I think it all kind of hit me at once, and I had no clue how to deal with it. He was there, at the funeral, somehow, even though dad kicked him out pretty quick. For the following year, besides not playing music, I couldn’t really do anything. I guess I was so caught up in my grief and trauma, and it just hit later on.”

She chanced a look up at them all, and seeing tears on each cheek, gently ran her thumb to catch every one of them. Once she reached Willie, She gently took Alex’s hand and got him to do it for her, which was as good as she would get with him. He appreciated the sentiment all the same. 

“Then Sunset Swerve - sorry _Curve_ \- came into my life, and it was like it was all gone. Everyone meant it when they said you guys brought me back to life... Then I thought I was gonna lose you guys, and I was so caught up in helping you guys not just cease to exist I didn’t realise how bad I was getting. And no matter how overjoyed I am that you guys are here and _alive_ and with me, all that grief that I have just ignored since you showed up decided to make an appearance again. So I did the only thing I thought would help; I went to clear my head.”

Willie smiled at her as she looked at him. 

“And thank God you were there Willie. Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight”

“Like I said before Julie, anytime”

The room stretched into silence again, before Luke let out quite a broken sob and pulled Julie into a complete hug. 

“It’s _fine_ , Luke,” she insisted, even though her own voice broke as tears trailed down her cheeks. All the other boys joined in, until it was one mess of teenagers sobbing their hearts out.

Julie chuckled slightly, “wow, we must look so hot right now”

They all laughed, and then the tension was broken. 

They all pulled away, but not completely, and Reggie spoke next. “Jules, we’re so sorry we didn’t realise any of this, and didn’t think to ask. I think I can speak for all of us that we want to be there for you whenever you need us.”

A chorus of agreements echoed around the room and she smiled, ruffling his hair slightly. 

“You guys are already always there for me”

Another group hug ensured, until Julie broke the silence. 

“Okay guys, you know what I think this calls for?”

Reggie jumped off the bed, pulling Luke, who pulled, Julie, who pulled Alex, who pulled Willie, off with him. “Movie night!!”

And that’s how Ray found them when he returned, an hour later (minus Willie, who although was still there, couldn’t be seen by Ray)

All tucked into the couch, Julie asleep with her hand on Luke’s chest and her legs draped across Reggie, the boys intently watching her sleep, rather than watching whatever movie they’d picked for the night. 

Luke gently toyed with her fingers, letting his mind wander, only vaguely aware of Ray smiling at them before leaving them to their own devices. 

He felt an indescribable anger whenever he thought about whoever in the world _dared_ to hurt the girl who he, and his bandmates, loved with all their heart, but he knew that wasn’t what she needed. She just needed their love. And that’s what he’d give her. 

He knew it was going to be tough, navigating whatever was happening to them in this lifelike state, but with Julie by their side, and them by Julie’s side, he knew they could overcome anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> How are you all doing? Everybody okay?? I love you all and value every comment you all write to me, every kudos my works get, and every read you do. Very proud that you are all here, and I hope that you all get everything you ever want. 
> 
> I’ve been thinking - should I give my instagram @ so that we could connect more? meaning you guys and me? It’d be pretty cool to share fandom love with people who love the stuff I do, lemme know!!


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